A Phone Call, Missing Brother, Casket and Heart Warming Sister

A Phone Call, Missing Brother, Casket and Heart Warming Sister

January 18 began with an awakening phone call from my oldest brother, Richard, in Michigan.  Dad was declining in health and the family was being called in.  Within the hour Kim and I were on our way to Michigan to be with dad.  It would be an exhausting and emotional week to say the least.

The phone call was expected to some degree.  Richard had called earlier in the week to say that Dad was weak due to a flu virus.  At 87 years of age, weakness can be a dangerous thing as well proven over the next several days.   I will spare you the gory details of Dad’s last few days.  He weakened with time and gang-green had taken over both of his legs.  It wasn’t a pretty sight.   Richard and I stayed all night with Dad on Wednesday night.  We were back with him on Thursday.  He rallied somewhat on Thursday.  He opened his eyes and acted as though he wanted to say something.  I sat on the edge of the bed and said, “Hey Pop, where have you been?  Where are you going?”  He replied, “I’m going to see Momma!”  Those were some of the last words he spoke. He always called our mom – momma.  Saturday morning around 4 a.m. Dad slipped away and went to be with mom.  They are on an endless date with Jesus!  

 Through all of this I realized the importance of family.  Our family is like any other family on the face of the earth. We have had our share of struggles.  Perfection is a word that cannot define “family.”  There is no such thing.  But over those last few days with Dad – I realized once again that family is something to be cherished.  Forgiveness is something that opens many doors to successful family relationships.   I have one handicapped sister who is in a group home.  She could not be with us nor did we think she could handle the passing of Dad.  I have another brother who chose not to be with us.  He ignored our calls and text messages.  His daughter relayed our messages and they too went unheeded.  “Family” was losing ground.  For a host of reasons I choose not to make public – my brother ignored the passing of his father.  He ignored family requests for his company at a family dinner on Sunday afternoon.  He ignored the funeral for Dad.  His daughter attended graciously.  She sat with us.  She had dinner with us.  She wept with us.  She laughed with us.  But my brother was absent.  He was a no show.  

 For the life of me I can’t figure out why he wouldn’t show.  We were willing to express publicly what we had already confessed privately – forgiveness.  Could it be that the opposite consideration of forgiveness was impossible?  Since my mom passed – the care of my dad and sister was challenged and questioned by a small company who felt they knew more than “family” did in relationship to their care.  It was a mess.  It was embarrassing.  It was hard to take.  But all in all – when the smoke finally cleared – forgiveness was the key to survival.  Forgiveness is the door knob to every door of family survival.

 I went from a phone call, to a missing brother to finally witnessing Dad’s casket being lowered into the ground.  It was a tough week.  We still had one more task at hand.  We had to tell my mentally handicapped sister that Dad had passed.  My sister is the oldest out of the “clan.”  She turned 61 last week.  She is a 61 year old with the mental capacity of about a 12 year old.  My mom spoiled her something terrible.  Mom would never agree to that statement – but she did.  My sister has learned some independence that has been awesome for her.  I am proud of her.  She didn’t understand it at first because she couldn’t.  How do you convince a 12 year old of the kind of life changes she faced were for her good?  Not easy.  

 I sat on the edge of the bed with my oldest sister and brother (Richard) with me.  I took her by the hand and said, “I have some bad news for you.”  She turned and looked at me and said, “Daddy is dead isn’t he?”   I was speechless.  I was paralyzed.  How did she know?  I got my answer rather quickly.  She said, “Jesus woke me up this morning and told me he was taking Daddy to be with mom.  I am ok because Dad is happy now.”

Unbelievable!  She kept telling us over and over, “I’m ok!”   

 You see in the midst of losing my Dad, unable to connect with a brother by his choice and informing a handicapped sister of my Dad’s death – God was a work.  He had it all under control.  

Isn’t that what family is all about?  Surrender to God?  Leaning not towards our understanding of family dynamics but rather His understanding of a family?  God knows us because He created us.  My Dad’s passing didn’t take God by surprise.  My brothers hard heart didn’t take Him by surprise.  My sisters “heavy heart” as she called it – didn’t take God by surprise.  God was there all the time.  

 Psalm 46.10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.”  Sometimes we have to stop what we’re doing long enough for God to be God.  He was God in my Dad’s life.  He is God in my brother’s life rather he knows it or not.  He is God in my sisters life.  He is God all around and inside of us.  We just have to let Him be God.

 I love my family dearly.  Through the trial of it all – family is family.  Take care of your family.  Tell them often how much you love them and tell them often.  Never be ashamed to express your love for family.  When it’s all said and done – family is all you have.  I no longer have parents – but I have brothers and sisters.  I will work to cherish my family.  Don’t take family for granted.  Laugh together, cry together and love together and above all – forgive one another.  Be still…and know that God is God and He is God of the family.  Even yours!